Hairpin Turn Blog

Finding Authenticity

Ruth — Tue, 25 Oct 2011 14:05:22 +0000

Over the weekend, I attended a retreat with the Rev. Dr. Cynthia Bourgeault. She taught us a form of self-awareness and personal meditation called Centering Prayer. It’s all about letting go of daily distractions and finding new pathways into the heart. The method is simple and yet challenging for most of us. In silence, we simply release any thoughts and come back to our spacious soul. She spoke about the tyranny of thoughts in our lives and how our thinking drives us crazy.

Centering Prayer gives us a way to notice just how often we unconsciously live out of those thoughts. As our hearts become strong and clear through this spiritual practice, we are able to be present to divine goodness within us and are able to live out of our authentic self.

What Does Your Face Say?

Ruth — Mon, 17 Oct 2011 13:43:59 +0000

When my stepson was little and we were in the middle of a board game or just outside in the backyard, he would stop, look at us and say: “Isn’t this great?!” with a huge smile on his face. Then he would turn back to his activity. He announced that this moment, right in the middle of whatever we were doing, was splendid. Even though he asked it as a question, he already had answered it with the look on his face.

As I approach a really full week, I am going to stop every once in a while and take a breath and declare “isn’t this great” and see if my face follows.

How to Get Out of Prison

Ruth — Wed, 05 Oct 2011 12:57:49 +0000

When I was making a major decision in my life, I had a dramatic dream. I was in prison and somehow I flew out over the thick walls and I saw that the room only had three walls.

This is what a hairpin turn is like in our lives. It is a complete turnaround that allows us to discover that we are not the prisoners that we think we are.

Often we worry about the many things that could happen as we keep facing all that closes us in to other possibilities. When we trust in the goodness of our heart’s intelligence, we can, in faith, turn around and move toward the freedom we seek.

The Beams of Love

Ruth — Thu, 29 Sep 2011 23:36:28 +0000

I have a little book that is based on the Enneagram—a typology of nine personality types. This book has what it calls “releases” and then “affirmations” for each of the nine personalities. Here are a few that seem to hit the spot for my personality today: “I release feeling cowardly and unsure of myself; I release my self-defeating, self-punishing tendencies.” And here are a few affirmations for today: “I affirm that I find true authority within me; I affirm that I am understanding and generous to all who need me.”

When we release and affirm all that is both light and dark in our personalities, we move toward living a life of freedom and joy.

Don Riso, the author of this book says: “The beams of love we need to learn to bear come from a higher part of ourselves that sees our suffering and is able to heal it.”

A Most Important Hairpin Turn

Ruth — Tue, 27 Sep 2011 13:55:21 +0000

I had goals for the beginning of the term for The Servant Leadership School of Greensboro. Two weeks before classes began, I was a bit frantic about the high enrollment expectations I had set up, then I stopped and asked myself what was really at stake.

I found my level of frustration was not really commensurate with the problem—as we already had enough people in each class. I noticed how I was talking to myself and realized I was trying to appease some unrealistic standard I drive myself crazy with. I was once again striving for some kind of ideal that is not reachable most of the time, and of course, this results in stress.

Notice how our unattainable standards begin and end in the way we talk to ourselves. Have you judged yourself in the last three hours—comparing yourself to some high standard?

Sometimes the most important hairpin turn we take is in our thinking!

The Good Stuff

Ruth — Thu, 04 Aug 2011 14:08:43 +0000

Our newspaper has a little section called “The Good Stuff” where people write in about some act of kindness bestowed upon them. I asked the editor of the newspaper how people respond to these stories and he said: “People love them!”

This morning a grandmother reported that she was in a Subway with her two little grandsons and after they ordered, she realized she did not have her wallet. She was embarrassed. Then a nearby woman—a stranger–stepped up and paid for their lunches. Our hearts do enjoy these instances of generosity.

Many times I automatically focus on what is wrong instead of what is right with things. What if I found “the good stuff” in the meeting rather than complain about what I thought were the weaker ideas? What if I found the “good stuff” in the rebate procedure (like getting $50. back) instead of grousing about the complicated process?

What if I released my automatic focusing on what is wrong with things? Perhaps then I will have some “good stuff” for our local newspaper.

Do You Spend More Time Inside or Outside?

Ruth — Tue, 26 Jul 2011 13:30:44 +0000

A woman called yesterday and asked if I would be willing to talk to her brother. She said he was a busy executive and liked his work but felt like it had “overtaken” his life. Apparently he travels several times a month and is beginning to think that he does not spend enough time with his spouse and two small children. He said to his sister (who works at a church): “Don’t tell me I should change my work—not in this economy. I just need some coaching on how to handle the stress.” I told her I would speak to him and that perhaps the principles and practices of servant leadership could provide some alternative ways of being in his current job.

Many times, in our minds, we think that in order to lead more complete and fulfilling lives, we have to make a radical change—quit our jobs; move to another location; or divorce our spouse. These are external.

Real change happens within our hearts, which in turn, renews our minds. Often we avoid the internal change because we mistakenly believe that change will only happen if we alter the outside conditions.

True change is just the opposite—when we move the inside of us, then the outside sifts as well.

Where are we going?

Ruth — Wed, 20 Jul 2011 13:14:56 +0000

I was walking over a footbridge in a park. In the distance I saw a little girl, perhaps five years old, with a man who was probably her father. They were sitting on the edge of an empty stage under a pavilion. Nobody else was around. I watched the girl run to the middle of the stage but constantly look back over her shoulder to see her father. Finally he turned his whole body around to face her. She began to dance. He applauded and laughed. She ran to him and jumped into his arms. They delighted in one another.

How might we do this more often with one another? Just watching, laughing, connecting and applauding with abandon?

This is where the journey of the heart takes us.

Wanna

Ruth — Tue, 12 Jul 2011 14:47:35 +0000

Someone left a message for me to call back. She said she wanted to discuss with me an offer I had already refused. I got irritated. I had already made up my mind. I did not want to do what she requested.

This reminded me of an experience with an aggressive salesperson who insisted on selling us an extended warranty. We said “no” four times. We almost left the store but, frankly, we did not want to weave through the traffic to get to the next place for the purchase.

Perhaps my irritation comes from my own ambivalence about making decisions. I second guess myself and wonder if the “other” choice might have been the better one. Maybe this appliance will break down in the next three years. Then I think of a counselor who gave me some good guidelines about many decisions we make each day. She called it “wanna.”

When we have looked at all sides of an issue, and it is a close call, she recommends just doing what you “wanna” do. This is: trusting your gut for a clear sense of what is right for you. Then we make the choice and repeat it to others over and over—if necessary.

When we cannot control the wind . . .

Ruth — Thu, 07 Jul 2011 15:17:57 +0000

I was walking through a park when I heard a bullhorn in the distance. When I turned a corner, a man was talking about the race that was about to begin and the cause it supported. As people stretched their legs, he talked about the research they were doing to find a cure for a particular kind of children’s cancer. As I walked along, I saw groups of people wearing different colored tee shirts. The blue team’s shirts said “Jason’s Bluebirds” and the green team’s “We love you, Casey.”

The teams began the race together but then all the colors got mixed up as the race progressed. Along the road where they ran, markers were set up every hundred yards with messages like: “We miss you, Toot Toot” or “For our brave Dennis. Love, Mom and Dad.”

There were hundreds of people joined together by something beyond their control doing something within their control.

Even when seemingly helpless, we do have choices.